Dieting and exercise are not my friends.

Right now, losing weight seems impossible. I know it's not, but I just can't see myself actually losing weight. I feel like shit every time I exercise and I just cry when I look at myself in the mirror. It doesn't help that my boyfriend seems to be doing so well with the losing weight pact we have, but he can afford to go to a gym. I can't. My university gym is so expensive. I'm not a strong runner so it's not even like I can do that all the time either. I know I've got Tae Bo, it does make me fitter, but I get bored. I've downloaded Zumba, but I know I'll get bored of that too. I'm eating healthier, I try not to snack, but if I do it's on fruit. So why don't I feel any better about myself? I still feel like a horrible fatty. I'm going to see Jeremy Kyle on Friday and I don't want to go in case I see myself on TV and I hate what I see. It's genuinely putting me off wanting to go. I'm searching through my wardrobe for something baggy that will hide my stomach. I genuinely am hating myself right now and trying to get fit doesn't seem to be helping. It just makes me hate myself more because of the state I've allowed my body to get in. After all this, I still don't seem to have any motivation to lose any weight. I just think what's the point I may as well just get fatter and fatter. I just never seem to feel any better about myself. Even in the summer when I lost half a stone in a month, I still felt bad. It makes me wonder if losing weight isn't actually the solution to my problem. My problem is me. I need to stop thinking so little of myself. I know my boyfriend thinks that I'm gorgeous and I will forever thank him for that because every so often I look at myself and think "hey, you're not too bad y'know". Never before have I done that. I don't know. Would dropping a dress size make me feel any better? It's so hard. I know losing weight isn't easy, but they could at least make it fun. Or cheap. If I could afford it I'd go back on Slimfast, but I can't. I hope I stop feeling like this soon, because it's really getting me down. I'm only a couple of days into my diet as well. Ah, well, off I go to feel horrendous at attempting Zumba...